Hello.
I have moved the blog over to Tumblr, it makes things easier. If you want to carry on reading I'll be posting random thoughts and ramblings at http://optimisticfailures.tumblr.com/ .
In A While Crocodile.
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Dance, Dance To The Robot
Hello.
"We're all a little bit broken." That is pretty true, well actually it's very true. I firmly believe nobody is 'perfect', and if someone was perfect, would we believe it? Surely part of being human is being that little bit broken, having lots of little small things that need fixing by perhaps one single special person or many people? Our little flaws make us who we are, they are the bits that make us quirky, different and been seen as a damn right individual in this world of nomothetic generalisations . Take away my broken bits and I'll be a clone of your ideals and aspirations. We are all made from small bits of stardust, so what if we don't all shine with the same intensity? I'd rather be a small star in a sky of big ones, than not be a star at all. I'm tired of being told I'm broken like it's a bad thing.
In A While Crocodile.
Saturday, 3 July 2010
Who Did You Last Dream Of?
Hello.
It's been a while, hasn't it? I just couldn't write whilst everything was happening and if I had carried on then I think it would have just been too much, almost too personal? The fact this is so anonymous, hardly anybody reads this and most of the time it never makes sense just makes its so much easier. To sum, I thought everything was going to change but it hasn't, the delights of shock tactics worked and I'm back. I just wish some things had changed. The feelings haven't gone, I'm still a disappointment to you all and in all honestly I don't think you ever truly wanted me back, did you?
Finally exams are over, the British weather has been glorious - hello tan lines and freckles (:, A2 has started and it's less than 17days till we break up for summer. Regrettably though my teachers have forgotten that summer is reserved purely for socialising, holiday-ing and most of all relaxing. I have my Extended Project research to - the ethics of abortion make for fantastic summer reading - History coursework, English Literature coursework, plus any Psychology they happen to throw our way. Fun, fun. Friday we had a lecture on how important attendance is this year and September will be vital, I don't think my week off right at the beginning of term is going to go down too well then! Never mind, I'd rather spend 2 what look to be fantastic weeks out in Canada and catch up later. Life is too short, I'm not going to miss opportunities anymore. Already looking forward to summer 2011! Possible week abroad with just the girls, will be pure heaven, just depends if we can get it sorted and all the money together.
The moments of complete and utter insecurity keep coming back and I dont know how to make them go away. You've done nothing wrong and I trust you to the end of the world and back again, but I dont trust them. Doesnt the fact they want to talk again and meet up mean something to you? How do I know that what I'm giving you is enough and they arent able to give you more? I dont want to hold you back when someone like you deserves the very best. The scary thing is everything I say I never want in the future, you make me want it all with you. That scares me so much, how can one person have that effect on someone else?
Ever get the feeling your drifitng from someone? I had that for a while but tonight just proved to me that if you put the effort in then the time you spend together is just as incredible as it ever was. You can pretend like your a walrus with chopsticks, you can make smiley faces with your left over puddings, you can play with a toy car at a train station you found and most importantly you can sit back and really think: You are my best friend, and you are worth every wierd look we get from everyone else.
It's getting late and my thoughts are becoming scrawled, incoherent lines on a computer screen. I have missed writing, makes me feel a little bit better every time I finish.
It's been a while, hasn't it? I just couldn't write whilst everything was happening and if I had carried on then I think it would have just been too much, almost too personal? The fact this is so anonymous, hardly anybody reads this and most of the time it never makes sense just makes its so much easier. To sum, I thought everything was going to change but it hasn't, the delights of shock tactics worked and I'm back. I just wish some things had changed. The feelings haven't gone, I'm still a disappointment to you all and in all honestly I don't think you ever truly wanted me back, did you?
Finally exams are over, the British weather has been glorious - hello tan lines and freckles (:, A2 has started and it's less than 17days till we break up for summer. Regrettably though my teachers have forgotten that summer is reserved purely for socialising, holiday-ing and most of all relaxing. I have my Extended Project research to - the ethics of abortion make for fantastic summer reading - History coursework, English Literature coursework, plus any Psychology they happen to throw our way. Fun, fun. Friday we had a lecture on how important attendance is this year and September will be vital, I don't think my week off right at the beginning of term is going to go down too well then! Never mind, I'd rather spend 2 what look to be fantastic weeks out in Canada and catch up later. Life is too short, I'm not going to miss opportunities anymore. Already looking forward to summer 2011! Possible week abroad with just the girls, will be pure heaven, just depends if we can get it sorted and all the money together.
The moments of complete and utter insecurity keep coming back and I dont know how to make them go away. You've done nothing wrong and I trust you to the end of the world and back again, but I dont trust them. Doesnt the fact they want to talk again and meet up mean something to you? How do I know that what I'm giving you is enough and they arent able to give you more? I dont want to hold you back when someone like you deserves the very best. The scary thing is everything I say I never want in the future, you make me want it all with you. That scares me so much, how can one person have that effect on someone else?
Ever get the feeling your drifitng from someone? I had that for a while but tonight just proved to me that if you put the effort in then the time you spend together is just as incredible as it ever was. You can pretend like your a walrus with chopsticks, you can make smiley faces with your left over puddings, you can play with a toy car at a train station you found and most importantly you can sit back and really think: You are my best friend, and you are worth every wierd look we get from everyone else.
It's getting late and my thoughts are becoming scrawled, incoherent lines on a computer screen. I have missed writing, makes me feel a little bit better every time I finish.
I'd quite like to go explore Narnia soon, and sit by Mr Tumnus's fire for a while.
In A While Crocodile.
Friday, 11 June 2010
Goodbye For Now
Hello.
This is going to be the last post for a while. Things have just taken a massive U-Turn in my life and I dont know what is going to happen. Thank you for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed it.
In A While Crocodile.
This is going to be the last post for a while. Things have just taken a massive U-Turn in my life and I dont know what is going to happen. Thank you for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed it.
In A While Crocodile.
Friday, 4 June 2010
Letters to No One.
Hello.
Dear Exam Boards,
I hate you. I'm sorry, but it is true. You make me severly unhappy and stressed at a time when everything is all sunny and nice in the world. I can't go out and be social, I can't sleep, my hand hurts from writing, my brain suffers a nervous breakdown at just the thought of spending 2hours in an exam room. It's unfair. I understand we have to be assessed and get grades to move on with our lives, surely it can be done in a nicer way? A collection of class tests, coursework, overall assessment of our attitude over the year...just a few suggestions there. Also I would like an A-Level option for Harry Potter, that would be much less stressful and I'd have the happiest 2hours of my life in the exam. Sort it out please?
Yours Sincerly,
A Stressed, Tired and Angry AS Student.
Dear Me,
Get some willpower. Get a backbone. Stop putting your head in the sand and sort yourself out. Only you can get yourself out of this mess so start putting things right. Do you realise how much trouble you will get in if she finds out what your doing? Make it worth it if you get caught, they aren't going to magic it away, you need to work as well. When you want to ask something, ask. It's not the end of the world if the answer isnt what you want to hear. It's life, deal with it. Also stop leaving your windows open in the evening, moths come in and freak you out. Stop blogging when you are meant to be revising as well.
Bye,
Me.
Dear Men In Vans/Cars/ On Bikes,
Please don't beep your horns at me when you drive past as I'm waiting for my bus after work. It shows you to be perverted twat who clearly has the smallest penis in the world. Girls don't like getting beeped at, it doesnt make us feel good. So don't do it or I will come round to you house and slash your tires and cut off your tiny manhood. Thanks.
The Girl At The Bus Stop
Dear The People I Work With,
Thank you for complimenting me on my dress today. It is new and I wasn't sure about it, but now I think I'll keep it. Thank you for not telling me off for forgetting my name badge again, I was very tired this morning. Also I like working with you, the job is pretty boring but you make it a laugh. And it helps that the Boss doesn't mind that we all take the piss out of him.
The Weekend Receptionist
Dear The Sunshine,
You make me happy, and red like a lobster because I forget suncream. Please stick around?
A Very Pink Girl
In A While Crocodile.
Dear Exam Boards,
I hate you. I'm sorry, but it is true. You make me severly unhappy and stressed at a time when everything is all sunny and nice in the world. I can't go out and be social, I can't sleep, my hand hurts from writing, my brain suffers a nervous breakdown at just the thought of spending 2hours in an exam room. It's unfair. I understand we have to be assessed and get grades to move on with our lives, surely it can be done in a nicer way? A collection of class tests, coursework, overall assessment of our attitude over the year...just a few suggestions there. Also I would like an A-Level option for Harry Potter, that would be much less stressful and I'd have the happiest 2hours of my life in the exam. Sort it out please?
Yours Sincerly,
A Stressed, Tired and Angry AS Student.
Dear Me,
Get some willpower. Get a backbone. Stop putting your head in the sand and sort yourself out. Only you can get yourself out of this mess so start putting things right. Do you realise how much trouble you will get in if she finds out what your doing? Make it worth it if you get caught, they aren't going to magic it away, you need to work as well. When you want to ask something, ask. It's not the end of the world if the answer isnt what you want to hear. It's life, deal with it. Also stop leaving your windows open in the evening, moths come in and freak you out. Stop blogging when you are meant to be revising as well.
Bye,
Me.
Dear Men In Vans/Cars/ On Bikes,
Please don't beep your horns at me when you drive past as I'm waiting for my bus after work. It shows you to be perverted twat who clearly has the smallest penis in the world. Girls don't like getting beeped at, it doesnt make us feel good. So don't do it or I will come round to you house and slash your tires and cut off your tiny manhood. Thanks.
The Girl At The Bus Stop
Dear The People I Work With,
Thank you for complimenting me on my dress today. It is new and I wasn't sure about it, but now I think I'll keep it. Thank you for not telling me off for forgetting my name badge again, I was very tired this morning. Also I like working with you, the job is pretty boring but you make it a laugh. And it helps that the Boss doesn't mind that we all take the piss out of him.
The Weekend Receptionist
Dear The Sunshine,
You make me happy, and red like a lobster because I forget suncream. Please stick around?
A Very Pink Girl
In A While Crocodile.
Saturday, 29 May 2010
It All Goes Back To The First Kiss.
Hello.
Do you ever wonder what would be different if your first love was someone else? Would you be the same person you are now? Would it be a different person phoning you every night to say goodnight? Would we even know what love is? Everybody has a past and it's strange to think when you meet them, they are already like a whole book and your just a new chapter in it. Sometimes I think that that makes us second best in a way. You will never know if what you do together is just a repeat of what happened before with someone, the only way we get through it is to believe every moment is new. It's hard to believe sometimes. Sorry I was thinking about that at work today..
Oh rain why have you come back? I do love the smell of the world after rain but still I like sunshine more! Resisting the urge to go dance in it right now is pretty hard though, I'd get soaked within seconds. Hopefully though when it stops we'll see a few rainbows. And I have to be thankful the rain held off till today, otherwise my surprise walk round Danebury Hill Fort wouldn't have happened on Wednesday!
After a very stressful day of exams, History went awful - question were good and what I had revised but I completely ran out of time and so my essays had to be cut off half way through, my boyfriend gave me a wonderful evening consisting of a walk, kite flying, dinner at his, then off to the cinema. Prince of Persia is alright, I've seen better but still pretty good. Then went out for dinner last night at my favourite restaurant, Wagamamas. I'm so lucky to have him, I think why I am so worried all the time. So been a good few days, excluding exam stress. And also my new Elle has arrived, yet to be read but not for long! Got in too late last night to start it then.
I hope this picture made you laugh as much as it did me.
In A While Crocodile.
Monday, 24 May 2010
The End Of Time Is The Start Of Eternity
Hello.
A major neglect of this recently, but things have been pretty manic and over the last few days I've only been home to sleep pretty much. Probably not best seeing as I am in the middle of all my exams and haven't revised properly yet. I wish I cared more, I might get somewhere.
I seem to have missed the point of study leave as currently I've been at 18th birthday parties and just lazy in the sun with good company for the past few days, or working - so short of money it's unbelievable - the £70 pair of boots from Topshop may not have been best thing to buy this month! It is quite annoying those because the glorious sunshine has come out again (hello sunburn!) and I've been trying to revise in the sun but it's too hard. My brain cant concentrate in the heat, but I don't want to go inside because then I wont be getting a tan! History exam in a day and a bit - so screwed but I'm hoping I'll have a burst of inspiration in the exam room and remember everything about Stalin Russia and American Civil Rights..I can dream..
After a conversation I was having the other day about showing people you care, I realised how much words hurt. I think I'm quite an affectionate person, I like to show people I care through things like hugging and whatever and when people show they care about me I understand physical affection more than words, it's harder to misunderstand a hug or get it twisted round in your head. I think words are such a delicate thing, they have to be chosen so carefully and said in just the right way so people understand them properly. I just think people can be so careless with words like people frequently use 'I love you' to others they don't actually really love, and yes I am being slightly hypocritical because I do it but surely that just emphasises my point? When it comes down to it telling someone I love them, in the proper sense, is really hard for me. In the two occasions when I believed I loved someone, I have never been the first to say it, even if I've felt it for ages. It's such a big thing I couldn't stand the rejection of them not saying it back, and even now when I say it I get scared it wont be said back. So words can be so fucking powerful, more than anything else in the world because they can be brutally honest, carelessly used, misunderstood, twisted..among other things. The best way to show someone you care is probably to say the words that are floating round your heart and mind when you think about them, the words that if they get rejected will clutch at your insides or if they are accepted it'll leave you in a state of shock. We all need a bit of honesty in our lives. When it comes down to it and I should express what I'm feeling through words, I can never find them. Or it takes me ages to find them and when I do it's too late. I need to invent a wire that people can plug into my head and understand what I'm thinking and what I want to say, but then sometimes my thoughts scare even more. I don't want to scare anyone.
I'm in a incredibly pensive and I hate it. I hate thinking about the stupidest things, I need to think about proper things like learning my History course and working out my budget for the month. But instead I sit and think about how ungrateful we are for the life we have, I have so many luxuries that some of the worlds population couldn't even dream of! And yet I never sit back and just be thankful for the roof over my head, the food I eat, the Internet I use..I just assume it will always be there. One of the main dreams is to go and do something for people in poverty, help build a well with clean drinking water, teach children in the Third World English, anything that will improve their lives in the slightest. I want to be able to give someone the hope in a better future that everyone deserves, instead of just taking everything for granted? Anyway, Monday is seeming like a very long day for some reason probably because I've hardly slept and it's felt like afternoon all day because of the fan-bloody-tastic sunshine! I love summer, despite the fact I burn too easily, my hay fever goes mental and I get bitten to pieces, it makes me happy. I love waking up to clear skies, days of not doing anything and just enjoying life. Everyone is happy in the sun.
I got told today that everything is finally going to be changing, after over a year of waiting things are moving on. It's good, I think. So maybe by Christmas my life will be very different, we will see. I do like change, it keeps life interesting and shows us different ways to grow.
If you haven't heard it listen to Paramore - The Only Exception, I flipping love that song! Must have listened to it about 20times today alone. Also getting into The Fray again, think it's because they are pretty relaxing to listen to whilst your sat in the deck chair in the garden..
I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine, not getting to sun burnt and are happy.
Because today there have been too many words.
In A While Crocodile.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
I Can Hear Your Heart Thumping
Hello.
Pizza, pancakes, filter coffee, talking, beer, playing pool, walking, driving, buying a car, finishing AS, cuddling, smiling, cinema, saying I love you, hearing I love you, long sleeps, baths, sunshine, having the urge to run, music, reading, day dreaming.. These are some of the things that have made the last few days amazing.
Finally plucked up the courage and said some of my thoughts out loud, very glad I did. Reassured me a lot and I realised how stupid I was being. I've decided that as reckless as giving something or someone everything you have is, it feels good. To have that trust, that faith in a happy ending. You only live once, the tears and heartbreak will only make you value everything else so much more.
This evening I saw the beauty in so many things, as cliche as that sounds. Things like feeling of crops brushing past you as you run, running your fingers down splits in a telegraph pole, the deepness of someones eyes, the clouds all coming from one point, the moon in the shape of a smile, the ache in your heart when you miss someone.
Something else that is looking rather wonderful right now is my bed. I am very tired.
One last thing, this blog is the first one in ages to have a title that isnt from song lyrics. It's a quote from this evening.
In A While Crocodile
Pizza, pancakes, filter coffee, talking, beer, playing pool, walking, driving, buying a car, finishing AS, cuddling, smiling, cinema, saying I love you, hearing I love you, long sleeps, baths, sunshine, having the urge to run, music, reading, day dreaming.. These are some of the things that have made the last few days amazing.
Finally plucked up the courage and said some of my thoughts out loud, very glad I did. Reassured me a lot and I realised how stupid I was being. I've decided that as reckless as giving something or someone everything you have is, it feels good. To have that trust, that faith in a happy ending. You only live once, the tears and heartbreak will only make you value everything else so much more.
This evening I saw the beauty in so many things, as cliche as that sounds. Things like feeling of crops brushing past you as you run, running your fingers down splits in a telegraph pole, the deepness of someones eyes, the clouds all coming from one point, the moon in the shape of a smile, the ache in your heart when you miss someone.
Something else that is looking rather wonderful right now is my bed. I am very tired.
One last thing, this blog is the first one in ages to have a title that isnt from song lyrics. It's a quote from this evening.
In A While Crocodile
Monday, 10 May 2010
Lie To My Face
Hello.
Sometimes I just cant find the words to say what I think/feel/see.
In A While Crocodile.
Sometimes I just cant find the words to say what I think/feel/see.
In A While Crocodile.
Friday, 7 May 2010
Me Or The Thought Of Me?
Hello.
For the observant ones amongst you, you'll have noticed my blog picture has changed slightly. A bit of 'photoshop pimping' done by a friend. I like it much more than the white writing before, but I couldn't not have a Blog Title so it has been changed to . so I could have my new picture. Also the dot looks a bit like a star so you cant really tell it's not meant to be there. It is kind of strange to think that now people occasionally read this, I'm actually ranting to a person not just big wide open sea of the cyberworld. But in all honesty, I'm not forcing you to read it so it's your own choice to be ranted at.
First drive ever today with the boyfriend. Was really nice, went with another friend on his bike and followed him round some of the less busy roads etc. A good 2hours, made me feel a lot more free, even though I wasn't the one driving and it's not like I can now go out whenever I like, but just sat next to someone, watching the world go by just because you can and want to feels so good. He is a good driver too, I feel really safe in the car and even though it was his first time out ever on his own it didn't feel like it. He made it seem so natural, like he'd been doing it for years. So now I just cant wait until that can be me. I want to have a stretch of open road ahead of me, letting it take me wherever it wants to. I want to go and see the world, see it through experiences and moments no one will ever have again. Oh take me to that moment now please?
For the observant ones amongst you, you'll have noticed my blog picture has changed slightly. A bit of 'photoshop pimping' done by a friend. I like it much more than the white writing before, but I couldn't not have a Blog Title so it has been changed to . so I could have my new picture. Also the dot looks a bit like a star so you cant really tell it's not meant to be there. It is kind of strange to think that now people occasionally read this, I'm actually ranting to a person not just big wide open sea of the cyberworld. But in all honesty, I'm not forcing you to read it so it's your own choice to be ranted at.
First drive ever today with the boyfriend. Was really nice, went with another friend on his bike and followed him round some of the less busy roads etc. A good 2hours, made me feel a lot more free, even though I wasn't the one driving and it's not like I can now go out whenever I like, but just sat next to someone, watching the world go by just because you can and want to feels so good. He is a good driver too, I feel really safe in the car and even though it was his first time out ever on his own it didn't feel like it. He made it seem so natural, like he'd been doing it for years. So now I just cant wait until that can be me. I want to have a stretch of open road ahead of me, letting it take me wherever it wants to. I want to go and see the world, see it through experiences and moments no one will ever have again. Oh take me to that moment now please?
I have a set of thoughts that wont go away, I tried reassuring myself by asking about it but I cant bring myself to trust the answer? I have so many questions that I want an honest answer to, it scares me what might be happening and I cant do anything to stop it. It cant be that hard to cut old ties, if they don't mean anything anymore? Unless they do, and cutting the tie would mean loosing something that never should have been lost in the first place. I don't want to be just filling a gap in time.
Britain is now in a hung parliament, politics are down right screwed for a while then. Well more than usual. Haven't caught up on the news since lunchtime so not sure where we are standing on the collation, Lib Dems and Tories or Lib Dems and Labour? I have given up now really. But I'm glad my friends think of the important things whilst important political speeches are being made at lunchtimes; playing cards and peep!
Oh in Rescue Me, I'm now on Chapter 16 and it's getting better! Being a male prostitute whilst laying in front of an open fire with your best friends girlfriend after whisking her away to Cornwall for a week as she was beat up by her drug dealer, sounds a pretty exciting life to me!
Time for bed, as in 12hours I'll already have been in work for nearly 3 hours and I have lots to do in the morning.
In A While Crocodile.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
And You Should Be Free Of Me.
Hello.
Ever get the feeling you need to sleep for hours and hours? I came home at 6 today, by half past I was asleep in my pj's and only woke up at 9 by my phone ringing. It was quite lovely. Made me feel less ill and shaky as well so was well worth losing 3hours of very precious time! If I could have one wish it would be for just a few more hours in the day? Too many things to do at the moment.
I have found myself a good book, well someone lent me it. Rescue Me by Christopher Hart. To be perfectly honest it looked awful on first impression i.e the blurb and front cover, but as true as proverbs are 'Dont judge a book by it's cover' it is fantastic. Hilariously funny, pathetic and just generally brilliant at making you forget your surroundings. Exactly what I needed. Only up to Chapter 6 though, so will keep you informed if it gets better.
You really don't really how much you miss someone in your life until you have the chance to catch up no matter how briefly on the phone. When you can fall back into conversation like it never stopped and they make you smile just by talking, that's something you shouldn't let go. Hopefully our proper catch up will happen soon over dinner!
General election today, and if anyone wasted their vote. You are a twat. People were queuing to have their vote and you couldn't be arsed?! Exit polls at the moment are looking like it's going to be a hung parliament, which is just fantastic. Another crap government who cant get anything decent done! I hope Labour don't get the majority. Gordon Brown is just so awful. Lib Dems idea of releasing GBH offenders is just stupid. And Conservative just never change really. I suppose we just have to choose the less crap of the crap to be honest. 2014 is when I can finally vote, if it's not called sooner. And it cannot come quick enough! I want my say.
Just looking and typing at the laptop is making me feel dizzy again so I'm going to finish there.
In A While Crocodile.
Ever get the feeling you need to sleep for hours and hours? I came home at 6 today, by half past I was asleep in my pj's and only woke up at 9 by my phone ringing. It was quite lovely. Made me feel less ill and shaky as well so was well worth losing 3hours of very precious time! If I could have one wish it would be for just a few more hours in the day? Too many things to do at the moment.
I have found myself a good book, well someone lent me it. Rescue Me by Christopher Hart. To be perfectly honest it looked awful on first impression i.e the blurb and front cover, but as true as proverbs are 'Dont judge a book by it's cover' it is fantastic. Hilariously funny, pathetic and just generally brilliant at making you forget your surroundings. Exactly what I needed. Only up to Chapter 6 though, so will keep you informed if it gets better.
You really don't really how much you miss someone in your life until you have the chance to catch up no matter how briefly on the phone. When you can fall back into conversation like it never stopped and they make you smile just by talking, that's something you shouldn't let go. Hopefully our proper catch up will happen soon over dinner!
General election today, and if anyone wasted their vote. You are a twat. People were queuing to have their vote and you couldn't be arsed?! Exit polls at the moment are looking like it's going to be a hung parliament, which is just fantastic. Another crap government who cant get anything decent done! I hope Labour don't get the majority. Gordon Brown is just so awful. Lib Dems idea of releasing GBH offenders is just stupid. And Conservative just never change really. I suppose we just have to choose the less crap of the crap to be honest. 2014 is when I can finally vote, if it's not called sooner. And it cannot come quick enough! I want my say.
Just looking and typing at the laptop is making me feel dizzy again so I'm going to finish there.
In A While Crocodile.
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
The Fear You Wont Fall
Hello.
Before 8am this morning I had thought my arm was paralyzed, woke up wanting to cry and hit something for no reason, lost my iPod and was stupidly rude to people who care about me because of these things. Since then things have improved and I'm now going to bed in a good mood.
Since 8am this morning I have found out I was the only person who got an A on one side of my Psychology mock (other side yet to be marked), spent lots of time with friends I missed, said things that should have been said days ago, ate lots of calorific food, finally watched 500 Days of Summer and just generally realised that life is what you make it and what you see in it. I have a lot to be thankful for and so to everyone and everything that makes me smile even the tiniest bit;
"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday"
This is the first of two quotes from 500 Days of Summer. I loved the film, so much. Made all the bad thoughts and feelings of recent go away and just give me this utter sense of like, contentment. Think it's because it doesn't end how you expect, it's just so true to what actually happens in life. Anyway back to the quote.. I just love how it says most days are unremarkable, with no lasting memories and then the day it all changes is a Wednesday which tends to be a distinctively average day. The 23rd of May this year is a Sunday so I will write down whats happens on that day to see if it holds any importance.
"I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it."
This is the second quote and it just sums up the importance one person can have on your life. When you have found someone that can make you feel like anything is possible and life is worth it, then you should hold on to that with everything you have. And believe me, right now I couldn't be holding on any tighter. I worked out the reason I get so worried about the smallest things is because I'm so scared that the smallest thing will change everything. But right now, at this very moment in time, I'm just focusing on how happy I truly am with him.
A positive post, as promised. I like being in this mood. Lets hope it stays.
In A While Crocodile.
Before 8am this morning I had thought my arm was paralyzed, woke up wanting to cry and hit something for no reason, lost my iPod and was stupidly rude to people who care about me because of these things. Since then things have improved and I'm now going to bed in a good mood.
Since 8am this morning I have found out I was the only person who got an A on one side of my Psychology mock (other side yet to be marked), spent lots of time with friends I missed, said things that should have been said days ago, ate lots of calorific food, finally watched 500 Days of Summer and just generally realised that life is what you make it and what you see in it. I have a lot to be thankful for and so to everyone and everything that makes me smile even the tiniest bit;
"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday"
This is the first of two quotes from 500 Days of Summer. I loved the film, so much. Made all the bad thoughts and feelings of recent go away and just give me this utter sense of like, contentment. Think it's because it doesn't end how you expect, it's just so true to what actually happens in life. Anyway back to the quote.. I just love how it says most days are unremarkable, with no lasting memories and then the day it all changes is a Wednesday which tends to be a distinctively average day. The 23rd of May this year is a Sunday so I will write down whats happens on that day to see if it holds any importance.
"I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it."
This is the second quote and it just sums up the importance one person can have on your life. When you have found someone that can make you feel like anything is possible and life is worth it, then you should hold on to that with everything you have. And believe me, right now I couldn't be holding on any tighter. I worked out the reason I get so worried about the smallest things is because I'm so scared that the smallest thing will change everything. But right now, at this very moment in time, I'm just focusing on how happy I truly am with him.
A positive post, as promised. I like being in this mood. Lets hope it stays.
In A While Crocodile.
Monday, 3 May 2010
We Are Okay. We Are Alright.
Hello.
My stupid pessimistic moods wont go away. I hate it, I want to go back to finding happiness in the tiniest of things but I can't. I have moved my 'It's a Beautiful Day' cup to by my mirror so when I get ready I see it every morning, and it'll remind me of happy memories and put me in a good mood. Fingers crossed. Also there are officially 9days left of my AS year which fills me with a combination of utter joy and complete stress that exams are less than 2 weeks away?!
It is the end of the Bank Holiday weekend, I hope you all enjoyed the long weekend if you didn't have to work or anything! I had a gloriously lazy weekend, seeing the boyfriend (we made egg people and watched Tom and Jerry - children much?!) and going shopping and to the cinema with a friend. Date Night is a pretty funny film, some bits have too much talking in but on a whole it makes you laugh out loud and the outtakes are funny too. I also would like to ask Topshop to stop accepting my hard earned money on clothes that I really have no need for! It is very unfair that they make everything so tempting when I have to save for so much! Although I am quite proud of myself as I have managed to save £180 for driving lessons, even though I cant drive for another 4months and 7days, and £110 for my spending money when I go to Canada in the last two months! Not bad.
My stupid pessimistic moods wont go away. I hate it, I want to go back to finding happiness in the tiniest of things but I can't. I have moved my 'It's a Beautiful Day' cup to by my mirror so when I get ready I see it every morning, and it'll remind me of happy memories and put me in a good mood. Fingers crossed. Also there are officially 9days left of my AS year which fills me with a combination of utter joy and complete stress that exams are less than 2 weeks away?!
It is the end of the Bank Holiday weekend, I hope you all enjoyed the long weekend if you didn't have to work or anything! I had a gloriously lazy weekend, seeing the boyfriend (we made egg people and watched Tom and Jerry - children much?!) and going shopping and to the cinema with a friend. Date Night is a pretty funny film, some bits have too much talking in but on a whole it makes you laugh out loud and the outtakes are funny too. I also would like to ask Topshop to stop accepting my hard earned money on clothes that I really have no need for! It is very unfair that they make everything so tempting when I have to save for so much! Although I am quite proud of myself as I have managed to save £180 for driving lessons, even though I cant drive for another 4months and 7days, and £110 for my spending money when I go to Canada in the last two months! Not bad.
This is pretty much all I want right now: cup of black tea and a good book. Keep me distracted from the world for hours. I can't remember the last book I read that wasn't a revision guide or textbook. Give me a story full of cliches, twists or suspense. Anything that will create a fantastic make believe moment.
Do think it every occurs to people that when you say that what they are doing doesn't bother you, or you don't mind what they say, you might be lying? It might tear you up to hear that name come out of their mouth, no matter what their saying. Sometimes I doubt you even realise how scared I am about how long we have left before that big realization comes down and smacks you round the face.
Approximately 6hours and 45mins until I have to wake up..I shouldn't have left my jobs this late. Thankfully I am not tired! Must be getting on now though, and for the people that read this. I apologise, deeply and truely, for my negative posts recently. I will post a big shiny, colourful, happy blog sometime soon and you'll all turn round and say 'What a ray of fucking sunshine you are!' And yes. I really will be...at some point in the future, hopefully..maybe. Until then, throw pennies at my head.
In A While Crocodile.
Approximately 6hours and 45mins until I have to wake up..I shouldn't have left my jobs this late. Thankfully I am not tired! Must be getting on now though, and for the people that read this. I apologise, deeply and truely, for my negative posts recently. I will post a big shiny, colourful, happy blog sometime soon and you'll all turn round and say 'What a ray of fucking sunshine you are!' And yes. I really will be...at some point in the future, hopefully..maybe. Until then, throw pennies at my head.
In A While Crocodile.
Thursday, 29 April 2010
Can I Get Inside Your Mind, See What I Find?
Hello.
Today I am being very thankful for the little things. My new Topshop bag arrived, Mum has offered to pay for it, my other parcel arrived, my mock this morning went quite well, my mock this afternoon went okayish, listened to Bullet For My Valentines new album Fever fully and loved it, my boyfriend passed his driving test, my room is tidier, revision is started, I have the new Elle, I'm getting an earlyish night, my stalker wasnt on the bus home and I got to smell the rain again today. Thanks to all these things I have been in a very good mood all evening. Putting the past few days behind me and focusing on the here and now is going to be a wise choice I think. Also decided I want to lose about 4Ilbs by the end of May, tomorrow is looking to be a good start to the plan, 30min walk in the morning, healthy food all day, swimming for an hour and a half and possibly another 30min walk in the afternoon. Wish me luck.
In A While Crocodile.
Today I am being very thankful for the little things. My new Topshop bag arrived, Mum has offered to pay for it, my other parcel arrived, my mock this morning went quite well, my mock this afternoon went okayish, listened to Bullet For My Valentines new album Fever fully and loved it, my boyfriend passed his driving test, my room is tidier, revision is started, I have the new Elle, I'm getting an earlyish night, my stalker wasnt on the bus home and I got to smell the rain again today. Thanks to all these things I have been in a very good mood all evening. Putting the past few days behind me and focusing on the here and now is going to be a wise choice I think. Also decided I want to lose about 4Ilbs by the end of May, tomorrow is looking to be a good start to the plan, 30min walk in the morning, healthy food all day, swimming for an hour and a half and possibly another 30min walk in the afternoon. Wish me luck.
In A While Crocodile.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Because They Never Got To Hang Around With Boys In School
Hello.
I have decided that if I really am that much of an effort to talk to, don't bother. Neither of us every really want to talk, you clearly hate living in the same house as me, I'm a disappointment to you, and just generally I don't think you would care if I never came back here. So please don't bother anymore, I'm better off with silence.
Sorry had to get that off my chest. Apart my episode with her, I am having a pretty peachy few days. Saw family, saw boyfriend, saw friends, sunbathed and finally ordered the bag I want from Topshop! The sun is still shining and I'm still on my way to seeing the good in everything no matter how hard it seems to find. Actually went swimming on Friday and have never been so excited to go again, I love the feeling afterwards of being all refreshed but tired at the same time! Such good fun, and I'm walking even more now so hopefully will be toned and skinny for summer. Half a stone would be quite nice to loose..wishful thinking though I think. Think positive, it may happen! Slightly stressing out that I have just over 2weeks until my exams start so may have to start revising like now! Staying on at college for an extra couple of hours tomorrow though so will get lots done then hopefully.
Couple of happy thoughts; When you hit rock bottom, things can only get better. Someone somewhere is thinking about you, even if it is just a passing thought - you still matter to them. And it's been 3months and everything is still so amazing (:
In A While Crocodile
I have decided that if I really am that much of an effort to talk to, don't bother. Neither of us every really want to talk, you clearly hate living in the same house as me, I'm a disappointment to you, and just generally I don't think you would care if I never came back here. So please don't bother anymore, I'm better off with silence.
Sorry had to get that off my chest. Apart my episode with her, I am having a pretty peachy few days. Saw family, saw boyfriend, saw friends, sunbathed and finally ordered the bag I want from Topshop! The sun is still shining and I'm still on my way to seeing the good in everything no matter how hard it seems to find. Actually went swimming on Friday and have never been so excited to go again, I love the feeling afterwards of being all refreshed but tired at the same time! Such good fun, and I'm walking even more now so hopefully will be toned and skinny for summer. Half a stone would be quite nice to loose..wishful thinking though I think. Think positive, it may happen! Slightly stressing out that I have just over 2weeks until my exams start so may have to start revising like now! Staying on at college for an extra couple of hours tomorrow though so will get lots done then hopefully.
Couple of happy thoughts; When you hit rock bottom, things can only get better. Someone somewhere is thinking about you, even if it is just a passing thought - you still matter to them. And it's been 3months and everything is still so amazing (:
In A While Crocodile
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Shoelaces untied.
Hello.
I have decided you can never fully be thankful for a early finish at college when you go home early a lot anyway. But all the same finishing 5hours early today was pretty damn wonderful, I got to spend the rest of the day get my hair sorted, beating my boyfriend at Monopoly, making blanket tents and having sword fights with empty bottles. Moments I don't want to ever forget.
As previously mentioned I have an appalling road awareness and live with my head in the clouds, today that was proven beyond belief. Illustrated perfectly by this picture;
I was walking to the bus station after buying my morning apple juice, when I saw a duck walking along the path, get to the crossing and start walking across the road using the crossing! Only to have a car nearly hit it, thankfully it didn't. Whilst I was fascinated by the duck using a crossing, I forgot that I was in the middle of the road and traffic comes both ways..I nearly got run over because I was watching a duck. Just a bit stupid.
Sorry about the lack of a post last night, my friend ended up coming round and staying. Was lovely, late night catch ups and laughter is perfect really. After nearly 13years of seeing her nearly everyday, I bloody miss her now I don't.
Tomorrow is a healthy day! And I am excited, which should mean I'm suffering from a severe mental illness. 15 minute walk to town in the morning, healthy lunch and then swimming for two hours in the afternoon. Going to have to wear a big t-shirt for swimming though, going with skinny friends never does very well for the old self esteem! Hopefully this means I'll be toned, skinny and tanned for the summer time! You know what they say about best laid plans though... Oh my. That quote just reminds me of school and GCSEs, god how life was so simple back then!
I have decided you can never fully be thankful for a early finish at college when you go home early a lot anyway. But all the same finishing 5hours early today was pretty damn wonderful, I got to spend the rest of the day get my hair sorted, beating my boyfriend at Monopoly, making blanket tents and having sword fights with empty bottles. Moments I don't want to ever forget.
As previously mentioned I have an appalling road awareness and live with my head in the clouds, today that was proven beyond belief. Illustrated perfectly by this picture;
Sorry about the lack of a post last night, my friend ended up coming round and staying. Was lovely, late night catch ups and laughter is perfect really. After nearly 13years of seeing her nearly everyday, I bloody miss her now I don't.
Tomorrow is a healthy day! And I am excited, which should mean I'm suffering from a severe mental illness. 15 minute walk to town in the morning, healthy lunch and then swimming for two hours in the afternoon. Going to have to wear a big t-shirt for swimming though, going with skinny friends never does very well for the old self esteem! Hopefully this means I'll be toned, skinny and tanned for the summer time! You know what they say about best laid plans though... Oh my. That quote just reminds me of school and GCSEs, god how life was so simple back then!
Been thinking a lot about how I cant wait to be free, get out of here and make my own way in the world. Life is too short and I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I'll have never gotten out and experienced life. Counting the years, months, weeks, days, hours..till I can leave. It's so far away. I can't wait that long.
In A While Crocodile.
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Everyone Keeps Saying Nothing Helps But Time
Hello.
I hope this sun contines, it makes the world seem such a nicer place. Everyone smiles and laughs in the sun, it's hard to be negative in anyway when you can look out at the world and see it covered in warm sunshine. Another ice cream (the diet starts tomorrow I swear), kicking back in the sun, talking crap and laying next to the person that makes you happiest in the world - perfection in a few hours. College really isnt that bad on days like that. Plan for the late essay worked perfectly - doing my sweet and innocent 'I'd never hand in a piece of work late/not do it at all' face, copied a friends homework 10mins before it was due in, sorted out bad attentance saying it was a computer error (extra EMA) and finally did some more revision. Not bad college day really.
Been thinking today about the different sides of people you get to see around different people. One of my worst habits is people watching and realised at college how if you watch one person go through their day, they show around 5 different sides of themselves. I can understand acting differently with teachers than you do with your friends but when it's smoungst your friendship group, it seems wrong to me. Surely they should accept you for who you are and if you change so often when are you truely being yourself? Annoys me. Also annoys me how people cant accept change or assume everything will stay the same no matter what comes along. Nothing is constant and no matter how hard you try to resist it everything is constantly evolving into something new. I dont want to loose you, but things have to move on for the better. This friendship is worth so much, I dont want to see it in the gutter. You mean the world to me and I really dont know what I would do without you.
I can't help but feel that sometimes we are incredibly insignificant. The natural world, being animals plants etc, would go on without us - in all honesty probably thrive without us! A single person has a incredibly small chance of be able to make a significant difference to everyone. Yes, you can donate money to charity, make someone smile when they cry and small things like that. But in all honesty how many of us will be remembered after we go by people other than our family? Even they will forget. We follow orders, rules and regulations because everyone is too scared to branch out. To make a difference. We are the generation which has the most infomation at our fingertips but we dont use it? Only for personal gain in education or work. What kind of legacy is that leaving for the future? We are the generation that failed to make a difference..Nice.
Also felt the 'green monster' come out today and it wont go away. She was there for less than 2minutes and I couldn't help but think that you were regretting your choice. It was a clear step down to me, and I cant see what made you take that step when for you climbing up isn't hard. The time we have had together, has given me no reason to think I'm not giving everything they need but now how do I know for sure. So many thoughts will go unsaid.
Apologises I have been drinking Pimms all night and have now realised it has made me turn into a pessimist who is terrified of losing people. Or maybe that was there and it has just been brought out. Hopefully will have gone back tomorrow. Oh on a final good note - my egg joke is going down very well at college (:
In A While Crocodile.
I hope this sun contines, it makes the world seem such a nicer place. Everyone smiles and laughs in the sun, it's hard to be negative in anyway when you can look out at the world and see it covered in warm sunshine. Another ice cream (the diet starts tomorrow I swear), kicking back in the sun, talking crap and laying next to the person that makes you happiest in the world - perfection in a few hours. College really isnt that bad on days like that. Plan for the late essay worked perfectly - doing my sweet and innocent 'I'd never hand in a piece of work late/not do it at all' face, copied a friends homework 10mins before it was due in, sorted out bad attentance saying it was a computer error (extra EMA) and finally did some more revision. Not bad college day really.
Been thinking today about the different sides of people you get to see around different people. One of my worst habits is people watching and realised at college how if you watch one person go through their day, they show around 5 different sides of themselves. I can understand acting differently with teachers than you do with your friends but when it's smoungst your friendship group, it seems wrong to me. Surely they should accept you for who you are and if you change so often when are you truely being yourself? Annoys me. Also annoys me how people cant accept change or assume everything will stay the same no matter what comes along. Nothing is constant and no matter how hard you try to resist it everything is constantly evolving into something new. I dont want to loose you, but things have to move on for the better. This friendship is worth so much, I dont want to see it in the gutter. You mean the world to me and I really dont know what I would do without you.
Also felt the 'green monster' come out today and it wont go away. She was there for less than 2minutes and I couldn't help but think that you were regretting your choice. It was a clear step down to me, and I cant see what made you take that step when for you climbing up isn't hard. The time we have had together, has given me no reason to think I'm not giving everything they need but now how do I know for sure. So many thoughts will go unsaid.
Apologises I have been drinking Pimms all night and have now realised it has made me turn into a pessimist who is terrified of losing people. Or maybe that was there and it has just been brought out. Hopefully will have gone back tomorrow. Oh on a final good note - my egg joke is going down very well at college (:
In A While Crocodile.
Monday, 19 April 2010
19
Hello.
19days left of being an AS student. 19days until study leave. 19days until my nervous breakdown. First Mr Whippy (with flake of course) of the year today (: Thanks to a lunchtime of sunbathing and realising there is an icecream van right outside college. Omnomnomnom is the only way to describe it. I decided to stay on at college today to do work but ended up sunbathing on the field for an extra hour with lovely people I had missed lots <3. As much as I enjoy the old blogging, college is a very uninspiring thing to write about and therefore end of topic. Except one of my English teachers is stuck in Italy at the moment and I think one of my Comms teachers is stuck abroad too! Still have to go to their lessons though - terribly unfair if you ask me.
This needs some working on but it's the unedited first draft.
Will you walk the line
Pretending to have a spine
Holding your head up high
Beneath the stormy sky
Tonight it will all unfold
Leaving you with nothing to hold
The past from which you fled
Is keeping you back like words unsaid
I'll stand and watch you stumble
Over the earth into which you'll crumble
My life is revolving round the number 19 at the moment it seems. See above for further details. Also I wish I was 19; I could drive, be at Uni, be young enough to experience but be old enough to know the important things that matter, be out of here.
Bit of a short post tonight but am really tired so sweet dreams
In A While Crocodile.
19days left of being an AS student. 19days until study leave. 19days until my nervous breakdown. First Mr Whippy (with flake of course) of the year today (: Thanks to a lunchtime of sunbathing and realising there is an icecream van right outside college. Omnomnomnom is the only way to describe it. I decided to stay on at college today to do work but ended up sunbathing on the field for an extra hour with lovely people I had missed lots <3. As much as I enjoy the old blogging, college is a very uninspiring thing to write about and therefore end of topic. Except one of my English teachers is stuck in Italy at the moment and I think one of my Comms teachers is stuck abroad too! Still have to go to their lessons though - terribly unfair if you ask me.
This needs some working on but it's the unedited first draft.
Will you walk the line
Pretending to have a spine
Holding your head up high
Beneath the stormy sky
Tonight it will all unfold
Leaving you with nothing to hold
The past from which you fled
Is keeping you back like words unsaid
I'll stand and watch you stumble
Over the earth into which you'll crumble
My life is revolving round the number 19 at the moment it seems. See above for further details. Also I wish I was 19; I could drive, be at Uni, be young enough to experience but be old enough to know the important things that matter, be out of here.
Bit of a short post tonight but am really tired so sweet dreams
In A While Crocodile.
Sunday, 18 April 2010
Take me away and I'll hold you.
Hello.
I seem to have broken my tradition for a Sunday routine, actually traditionally there was a distinct lack of it, and been very productive today. Woke up early enough not to repeat my disaster of getting ready yesterday, thankfully no need for a bus this morning! Sunday buses are horrible, and tend to be either very early so you miss them or very late so your plans get muddled. Stayed an extra two hours at work to help out, did my first viewing of the home today as well. They seemed impressed, asked a few questions I had no idea about but I managed to scrap through. Quite strange though the daughter knows a college friend and her sister, small world, so was nice to have a semi normal coversation during the tour. My feet killed by the end of the day, walking around 3floors and the stairs between them in heels for 6hours is never fun! I really dont understand how people can do it?! Although I have seen a fair few professional women slipping heels on and off on the Underground in London so maybe they aren't the superwomen I think they are. Home at 5 to do some washing, clean my room, change the bedding, make my dinner, finish some final bits of work off, pack my bag and make my lunch for tomorrow - quite excited about it I have a bunch of grapes, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, pineapple, a gold bar and a bag of snack a jacks (: Don't get me wrong I'm not some kind of healthy eating freak - just couldnt be bothered to make a sandwich! Anyway, so I am feeling pretty good about my day, am left in a slight wanting for a lazy Sunday tomorrow though instead have to go back to the glorious education that is college.
Thinking positive about it though, I think I have all my work done for Monday at least and I get to see people I havent seen for two weeks - teachers be pre-advised that no learning will take place, only catching up nattering (: Plus I have the choice of going home at 1 and enjoy the sunshine in my grandparents back garden or stay until 3 to have lunch with friends and get some work done. We shall see.
I found this picture today, http://antontang.deviantart.com/art/Be-careful-160786906 , and it just makes me smile. Not quite sure why? It reminds me of me and my boyfriend I think, he is always worrying about me - with good reason I suppose, I have no road awareness, I'm clumsy and live with my head in the clouds. I hope you have someone that is there to worry about you or be there to catch you when you fall. If you dont yet, don't worry they'll be waiting for you somewhere just give it time. I am quite the old romantic at heart in case you hadn't guessed.
As previously mentioned before about the Penguin Bars and the jokes they have, I was listening to the radio today and a joke came on which I thought was hilarious but nobody else seems to laugh at. Here it is;
What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
An egg!
Ahh brilliant.
Despite the fact I have to be leaving my house in less than 8hours, I am feeling the urge to have a shower and stay up to watch Girl, Interrupted. A truely amazing film that if you haven't seen I thoroughly recommend! Angelina Jolie acting is just awe inspiring. Plus I do have a slight girl crush on Winona Ryder..
Am truely missing one of my closet friends at the moment. I think a night of Party Rings, Tea and Biscuits, Apple Crumble and just general chattering is in order. The thought of losing people I love scares me more than anything..even ants.
Time to go now. Really can't afford to sleep in tomorrow..no matter how tempting it really is.
In A While Crocodile
I seem to have broken my tradition for a Sunday routine, actually traditionally there was a distinct lack of it, and been very productive today. Woke up early enough not to repeat my disaster of getting ready yesterday, thankfully no need for a bus this morning! Sunday buses are horrible, and tend to be either very early so you miss them or very late so your plans get muddled. Stayed an extra two hours at work to help out, did my first viewing of the home today as well. They seemed impressed, asked a few questions I had no idea about but I managed to scrap through. Quite strange though the daughter knows a college friend and her sister, small world, so was nice to have a semi normal coversation during the tour. My feet killed by the end of the day, walking around 3floors and the stairs between them in heels for 6hours is never fun! I really dont understand how people can do it?! Although I have seen a fair few professional women slipping heels on and off on the Underground in London so maybe they aren't the superwomen I think they are. Home at 5 to do some washing, clean my room, change the bedding, make my dinner, finish some final bits of work off, pack my bag and make my lunch for tomorrow - quite excited about it I have a bunch of grapes, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, pineapple, a gold bar and a bag of snack a jacks (: Don't get me wrong I'm not some kind of healthy eating freak - just couldnt be bothered to make a sandwich! Anyway, so I am feeling pretty good about my day, am left in a slight wanting for a lazy Sunday tomorrow though instead have to go back to the glorious education that is college.
Thinking positive about it though, I think I have all my work done for Monday at least and I get to see people I havent seen for two weeks - teachers be pre-advised that no learning will take place, only catching up nattering (: Plus I have the choice of going home at 1 and enjoy the sunshine in my grandparents back garden or stay until 3 to have lunch with friends and get some work done. We shall see.
As previously mentioned before about the Penguin Bars and the jokes they have, I was listening to the radio today and a joke came on which I thought was hilarious but nobody else seems to laugh at. Here it is;
What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
An egg!
Ahh brilliant.
Despite the fact I have to be leaving my house in less than 8hours, I am feeling the urge to have a shower and stay up to watch Girl, Interrupted. A truely amazing film that if you haven't seen I thoroughly recommend! Angelina Jolie acting is just awe inspiring. Plus I do have a slight girl crush on Winona Ryder..
Am truely missing one of my closet friends at the moment. I think a night of Party Rings, Tea and Biscuits, Apple Crumble and just general chattering is in order. The thought of losing people I love scares me more than anything..even ants.
Time to go now. Really can't afford to sleep in tomorrow..no matter how tempting it really is.
In A While Crocodile
Midnight.
Hello.
Well it is indeed midnight and my plans for an early night seem to have run away and hid in some dark corner. Never mind eh? (: Another lovely day of sunshine although I had to spend most of it inside at work, it was still b-e-a-utiful! Woke up this morning five minutes before my bus was due to leave so after 3minutes of trying to get ready I admitted defeat and called my mother to give me a lift in. So 15minutes later I walked into work with no makeup, unwashed hair, slightly creased clothes and a very tired expression, not quite the look a receptionist should have if I'm honest. Within half an hour 3 people had said I looked rough and asked if I was hungover, I am ashamed to say I couldnt even blame it on that just a bad nights sleep. Looking at it from an optimistic failing it meant I have now set another alarm for the morning and even though I looked dreadful I still managed to get to work on time. After work meant sunbathing and spending time with Mum, whilst avoiding the ever looming pile of work to be done by Monday! Procrastination is a wonderful thing, still lacking on the tan front - nearly 3hours in the sun brought not even the slightest colour. A moment from when I was little was brought back today when I realised the Penguin chocolate bar still print jokes on the wrapper. I remember reading them in Primary School! Quite glad children are still be inflicted with the awful jokes that I was. Also finally finished an essay that was due in 2weeks ago tonight, so am quite happy with myself. Good day all round to be honest.
A good muscian/artist to look out for is Joshua Radin, listening to him all day today and his lyrics are brilliant - Vegetable Car make me smile everytime, and it is just really nice music to relax to. Also something I have been thinking about recently which has probably come from a quote originally is that when you truely think you have hit rock bottom, just look up at the sky. If you see rainclouds - that rain is growing food for you to eat, if you see sun - rememeber each time the sun rises new chances are coming up for you to take and if you see the night sky - each star is a dream just waiting for you to start chasing. Things can't be perfect all the time but it shows us so much about ourselves and the people around us, each moment should be valued along with the all the happy ones.
All jobs are done, goodnight phone call made, so all is left is to close this and start dreaming.
In A While Crocodile
Well it is indeed midnight and my plans for an early night seem to have run away and hid in some dark corner. Never mind eh? (: Another lovely day of sunshine although I had to spend most of it inside at work, it was still b-e-a-utiful! Woke up this morning five minutes before my bus was due to leave so after 3minutes of trying to get ready I admitted defeat and called my mother to give me a lift in. So 15minutes later I walked into work with no makeup, unwashed hair, slightly creased clothes and a very tired expression, not quite the look a receptionist should have if I'm honest. Within half an hour 3 people had said I looked rough and asked if I was hungover, I am ashamed to say I couldnt even blame it on that just a bad nights sleep. Looking at it from an optimistic failing it meant I have now set another alarm for the morning and even though I looked dreadful I still managed to get to work on time. After work meant sunbathing and spending time with Mum, whilst avoiding the ever looming pile of work to be done by Monday! Procrastination is a wonderful thing, still lacking on the tan front - nearly 3hours in the sun brought not even the slightest colour. A moment from when I was little was brought back today when I realised the Penguin chocolate bar still print jokes on the wrapper. I remember reading them in Primary School! Quite glad children are still be inflicted with the awful jokes that I was. Also finally finished an essay that was due in 2weeks ago tonight, so am quite happy with myself. Good day all round to be honest.
A good muscian/artist to look out for is Joshua Radin, listening to him all day today and his lyrics are brilliant - Vegetable Car make me smile everytime, and it is just really nice music to relax to. Also something I have been thinking about recently which has probably come from a quote originally is that when you truely think you have hit rock bottom, just look up at the sky. If you see rainclouds - that rain is growing food for you to eat, if you see sun - rememeber each time the sun rises new chances are coming up for you to take and if you see the night sky - each star is a dream just waiting for you to start chasing. Things can't be perfect all the time but it shows us so much about ourselves and the people around us, each moment should be valued along with the all the happy ones.
All jobs are done, goodnight phone call made, so all is left is to close this and start dreaming.
In A While Crocodile
Friday, 16 April 2010
Sunshine Days and Cloudy Nights
Hello.
First proper blog and I have a feeling it's going to be a long one. Lets begin with Sunshine Days, this Easter I have been in awe of the beautiful British weather. The fact people are having BBQs in April, eating ice creams in the park and generally enjoying themselves makes me so happy. April Showers can wait a little bit longer I feel. Although I'm still lacking in the slightest bit of colour on my legs I'm sure if the sun continues they will brown up nicely..or go very red depending whether I remember suncream or not! Today I saw some old friends and truely realised that no matter how long you go without seeing them, when you can sit in Starbucks for over 2hours talking not thinking 10minutes had past thats means you have a lasting friendship. Old jokes mixed with new gossip and updating on your lives whilst reliving past times makes me so happy and I am so thankful I have people I can do that with. Even though I had to sit for an hour on a bus with no music sounding from headphones there and back, it was worth it.
Favourite quotes of the day have to be;
"What's the point in having a block if you can't go round it a few times?"
"Can you comfort eat diet pills?"
"Do you have to keep licking the Starbucks lady in public?!"
I do truely adore my friends.
The sun has also meant me and the boyf have been able to go out flying kites, walking and doing general outside things which has been amazing. I love that we do real things together and even if from the outside it looks incredibly mundane, on the inside I can assure you it's anything but. Nearly 3months together and I'm still struggling to believe it. Couldn't believe just one person could make me this happy.
So here is my plea to the weather man; 'Please let the sunshine continue, and if you can't give us rain that makes people go out and dance in it, run through puddles with patterned wellies and couples kiss in it. Whatever the weather is; let it make people smile like the sun does'
Next comes the cloudy nights. It seems that whilst the sunny days are filled with joy, the nights are a different story. In the form of saying goodbye to people I care about, arguements and being to far to away to make people I love happy. I hate that I can't drive. When someone tells me they are upset I can't go to their front door, take their hand and take them away. I can't be the person they need, being at the end of the phone isn't enough, you can't do anything that will really make them smile unless you are there with them. It scares me to think that someone will need more than a phone call, and I wont be able to give them what they need like a real friend would. I would give anything to hold them in my arms right now. I hate the way you never seem good enough for your families expectations and you are always that little bit of a failure in their eyes in comparison to your brother. My friends oppinions and expectations have now become more important than anybody elses, at least when I fuck up, they understand and help or just laugh and tell me I spent too much time on Facebook. Either of those is better than seeing another flash of dissapointment in my families eyes. I also hate the way I am in a crap mood after a lovely day, but like the title says 'Sunshine Days and Cloudy Nights', hopefully I'll start sleeping again soon and the cloudy nights wont seem so long.
On a positive note check out Jose Vanders - Literature Lovers album, it's brilliant and makes me feel all summery, also Metric, King Charles, Two Doors Cinema Club and Scouting For Girls new song is/are lush.
In A While Crocodile.
First proper blog and I have a feeling it's going to be a long one. Lets begin with Sunshine Days, this Easter I have been in awe of the beautiful British weather. The fact people are having BBQs in April, eating ice creams in the park and generally enjoying themselves makes me so happy. April Showers can wait a little bit longer I feel. Although I'm still lacking in the slightest bit of colour on my legs I'm sure if the sun continues they will brown up nicely..or go very red depending whether I remember suncream or not! Today I saw some old friends and truely realised that no matter how long you go without seeing them, when you can sit in Starbucks for over 2hours talking not thinking 10minutes had past thats means you have a lasting friendship. Old jokes mixed with new gossip and updating on your lives whilst reliving past times makes me so happy and I am so thankful I have people I can do that with. Even though I had to sit for an hour on a bus with no music sounding from headphones there and back, it was worth it.
Favourite quotes of the day have to be;
"What's the point in having a block if you can't go round it a few times?"
"Can you comfort eat diet pills?"
"Do you have to keep licking the Starbucks lady in public?!"
I do truely adore my friends.
The sun has also meant me and the boyf have been able to go out flying kites, walking and doing general outside things which has been amazing. I love that we do real things together and even if from the outside it looks incredibly mundane, on the inside I can assure you it's anything but. Nearly 3months together and I'm still struggling to believe it. Couldn't believe just one person could make me this happy.
So here is my plea to the weather man; 'Please let the sunshine continue, and if you can't give us rain that makes people go out and dance in it, run through puddles with patterned wellies and couples kiss in it. Whatever the weather is; let it make people smile like the sun does'
Next comes the cloudy nights. It seems that whilst the sunny days are filled with joy, the nights are a different story. In the form of saying goodbye to people I care about, arguements and being to far to away to make people I love happy. I hate that I can't drive. When someone tells me they are upset I can't go to their front door, take their hand and take them away. I can't be the person they need, being at the end of the phone isn't enough, you can't do anything that will really make them smile unless you are there with them. It scares me to think that someone will need more than a phone call, and I wont be able to give them what they need like a real friend would. I would give anything to hold them in my arms right now. I hate the way you never seem good enough for your families expectations and you are always that little bit of a failure in their eyes in comparison to your brother. My friends oppinions and expectations have now become more important than anybody elses, at least when I fuck up, they understand and help or just laugh and tell me I spent too much time on Facebook. Either of those is better than seeing another flash of dissapointment in my families eyes. I also hate the way I am in a crap mood after a lovely day, but like the title says 'Sunshine Days and Cloudy Nights', hopefully I'll start sleeping again soon and the cloudy nights wont seem so long.
On a positive note check out Jose Vanders - Literature Lovers album, it's brilliant and makes me feel all summery, also Metric, King Charles, Two Doors Cinema Club and Scouting For Girls new song is/are lush.
In A While Crocodile.
Hello.
Hello. I'm Emily, it's nice to meet you.
I am many things but here are the important things;
I am many things but here are the important things;
- A Procrastinator
- A Pessimistic Optimist
- Frequently Over Thinking Things
- A Bookworm
- Spontaneous
- A Collector Of Memories
- A Dreamer
- Trying To See The Beauty In Everything
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